no matter how long we swim for
-802 days
you told me you wanted to quit smoking
and i told you it was okay
i like the way they tint your words with cloves and your breath with warmth
it's unhealthy but it's alright
every cigarette takes eleven minutes away from the time we have left to spend together, but i've been counting
today you smoked thirty two
so that's five hours and fifty two minutes
but we're young
and we don't have to live for very long
there's just a little bit more than two years left until we drift away
and then we'll have eternity
and eternity minus five hours and fifty two minutes
is still eternity
(i think)
-790 days
your fingertips smell like spice whenever you come back inside from the balcony
and i when i was watching you cut the green onions last night
i thought that if you slipped and cut yourself (on accident this time)
and a little bit of you ended up in the curry next to the vegetables and the rice
, it wouldn't have been so bad
-789 days
i want to kill you and i want to eat you
-788 days
i'm sorry
i shouldn't have said that
i had some bamboo salt and i feel better now
i know that it's okay
and i know that you still love me
even if i tried my hardest i wouldn't be able to catch you
your lungs are full of tar and you can't run for too long without getting tired
but my arms are weak and i can't push my wheelchair all that fast
you know
but.
i'm sure i'll be able to walk again after enough salt
-800 days
i went to the beach by myself today
not that one
(obviously
there's still 800 days left after all)
anyway
my wheelchair got stuck in the sand
and i couldn't get to the shoreline
i could have crawled. i guess.
(but that wouldn't have been very romantic)
so i sat at the edge
where the crushed up silica and the diatoms meet the asphalt
and i thought about you
-786 days
i heard that clouds are just mist from the sea
even if it's not true i'd like to believe it anyway
because the sea reminds me of you
and so whenever i look up at the sky it'll be like you're there with me
unless there are no clouds :(
(but in that case i'll just pretend as though there were)
:)
day one
the moment i saw you
i knew that destiny was real
because i was made for you
and our love was fated to be
-773 days
i can't see the stars here
there's too much light pollution
(i think)
i don't mind all that much
clouds are more romantic anyway
though it's a little sad
that the cirri i like pollute your lungs instead of the sky
-764 days
bamboo salt tastes like sulfur
and it makes me miss you
i wish it tasted like tar and hemoglobin and cloves too, because then
i could eat enough of it to fix me in a day
(that would probably be really expensive though)
it's okay though
i can feel my little toe(s) again(!!!!!)
i'm sure i'll be able to walk and run and dance with you soon
💝💝💝
-755 days
you told me you wanted to quit smoking
today you smoked twenty nine
your favorites have thirty two milligrams of tar in every cigarette
so that's nine hundred and twenty eight milligrams of tar
umm..
i'm sure it's okay!
:>
-751 days
it still tastes like brimstone
but it's becoming a little bit easier to eat
day by day
isn't that curious?
the salt is still the same
and i'm still just
little old me
but every morning i can take a little bit more salt
than i could yesterday
(it still makes me miss you just as much though)
xoxo
september 23 2025
on our special day,
in our special place
we'll hold hands
and walk into the sea
the waves are strong, but our love is stronger
our lives are intertwined
as are our fingers, our red strings, and our hearts
the water will wash away the tar in your lungs
and the seaspray will give me wings
i'll take us
to a place where we can stay
until the death of the sun
i love you
now
forever
and always